Where do you look for permission?

Permission isn’t something we’re used to giving ourselves.

We’re used to thinking of it as something that comes from outside ourselves, something that gets bestowed on us by people on the outside. Think about permission and how it functions in our society: permission forms for excursions for school. Permission forms for films that teachers wanted to show us in class. Permission slips for being allowed out of the classroom, and even raising your hand for permission to go to the toilet at school.

It’s the same at work: most roles require you to take your breaks at certain times, say when you can leave for the day, and when you can take days off. A lot of the time, even if you don’t really need to ask permission to do certain things at work, you might feel like you need to anyway. The conditioning runs deep, and that’s because schools in their basic form were set so that the children were a/ taken care of during their parents’ workdays, and b/ grew up used to a routine and knowing how fitting into a system worked. Despite a veneer of modernisation, the essence of the school system is the same. Obey, ask permission, and serve as a cog in the greater machine.

The seemingly simple requirement that we ask permission at school and work actually hides a darker truth. It trains us to serve other people and put their needs before our own. It’s definitely what the system needs in order to function, but it does have a dulling effect on our own capability to be self-directed. Capitalism, religion, and patriarchy rely on this to continue to function, which is why when you step out of line, you get pushback.

That, therefore, is the first thing to realise. You need to be the one giving out the permission slips, to yourself. Practising this in short intervals and then increasing the increments will help you not feel so weird about it.

Again I’d say to start small. 

Tell yourself that yes, you can spend five or seven or ten minutes on your craft. Yes, you can follow that intuitive nudge that you need to go for a little wandering walk down your street. Yes, you can sit and daydream for a little while. 

The small permissions will, over time, start to add up to bigger ones. Then bigger still, and eventually you’ll realise that you’re crafting a life that takes you in a direction that feels like it fits. 

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