I’ve been thinking lately about my life – must come with being in my mid-40s – and it occurred to me that I wasn’t giving myself main character status in my own life.
I think that’s something that happens to a lot of people who are enculturated as women in our society (and not limited to them, either). We’re trained to think of ourselves last. To think of others first. To always put our To Do lists before ourselves, to do and do and do until we’re husks.
When I’ve been working with authors, whether that’s in my 1:1 book coaching or in my group memberships where we write our books together, we always have to do some unpicking of the ingrained beliefs we have around what we get to do for ourselves. What space we get to take up/use for ourselves. And why we resist taking that space.
For myself, I’ve always seen it through a political/cultural lens.
I have internalised capitalism and patriarchy, so I put myself last. This has led to a lot of annoyance, irritation, rage and sometimes anguish as I work within myself to unpick the threads and allow myself the grace and space to write/create.
Then the other day I suddenly thought:
“What would it look like if I was the main character in my own life?”
That might sound weird: we’re all our own main characters, right? Yes, to a point.
However, do we act like main characters in our own life?
I asked myself that question, and came up with a resounding NO.
How interesting!
And so I started to ask myself, several times a day: what would it look like to be the main character in my life right now?
And now?
And now?
That’s not to say I ignored everyone else and their needs. Not at all.
My kids still need attention, the dinner needs cooking and the bins need emptying. House stuff, life admin, all that still exists. But my focus is on me.
“Right now, me as the main character is having lunch. Just a quick one, because I need to be at my desk soon to do that piece of work that’s due.”
“Right now, me as the main character of my life is thinking about the dinner because I want to be less stressed later.”
“Right now, me as the main character is ignoring that interaction with that person, because it’s sucking my energy and a main character wouldn’t let that happen.”
My internal dialogue has become easier to listen to, and it’s made figuring out what I will and won’t accept easier too.
And the best thing?
Me as the main character in my life gets to write a whole lot more! It’s been fabulous for my writing productivity. I’m making inroads into my book. I’ve written poems. I worked on my performance that happened at the end of July.
It’s such a great mindset shift that I had to come and share it with you as soon as I’d let it sit a week or so to be sure it wasn’t just a blip on the radar.
If you feel it’s useful to you, try it and see!
Ask yourself: if I was the main character in my life right now, what would I do?
Let me know how you go, I’d love to hear if it works for you too.
x Tamara
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