Accountability: not as official or boring as you’d think

For those who want to know, I’m reporting back about Himself’s progress on his book.

My intervention went pretty much as scripted, and if you missed that post, you can read back over it here.

At the end, Himself was ready to go, excited and energised to be writing his book. And many of you emailed me, or commented to say that you felt what he felt: like it was you, battling away trying to write your book while feeling like it was the impossible dream.

Many of you also wanted to know how Himself was going. Was he/is he writing?

It pains me to tell you that he’s fallen off the wagon again.

I know what went wrong, too – but we’ll get to that.

In the meantime, here’s what happened just this morning at our house:

I asked him the big question, AGAIN. This time, though, he was scooping the cat litter tray – also a dead-end alley in terms of being able to escape awkward questioning, so perfect for my purposes.

Me: Darling?

(Hearing sounds of bumping, scooping and swearing, and following them to the source)

Oh! There you are. I want to know how your book is going.

Him: What? My book? Ummm….

Me: Have you written at all? Apart from that first 25 minutes you did after I made you a cup of tea last time I asked?

Him: (Takes a deep breath. Unwise for a man doing the job he’s doing. Coughs.)

No. No, I have not.

(Continues scooping, holding his breath this time.)

…Do you have to ask me this right now?

Me: Yes. The internet wants to know how you’re going with it. People have emailed me asking how your book is coming along!

Him: Oh God no! Why did you have to tell them? Now I HAVE to write the bloody thing. (Puts litter tray back, moves on to unloading the dishwasher)

Me: (Smugly) Yup. So what can I tell them?

Him: Tell them I’ve not done anything, and that I’d rather scoop the cat litter tray/de-mould the bathroom ceiling/unload the dishwasher than write my book.

(It’s true. He’s working his way through all of those things as I follow him about the house, keeping the pressure on)

Me: Ok, if you’re sure you want the internet to know.

Him: Argh! Yes. Yes, they need to know the truth.

(Him and his British sense of honour. Admirable, but ultimately his downfall)

Me: That’s very brave of you sweetheart. But what’s the reason you’ve not written more? I mean, I know that having a writing coach as your spouse and you not getting your book written is a bit like what they say about plumbers’ houses having leaks and doctors’ kids being sent to school deathly sick… But jokes aside, do you think you’d have gotten more done if I’d checked in a bit more?

(Note: I’ve been VERY careful not to check in too much with him – he’s as sensitive to wifely nagging as any self-respecting chap out there. There’s a fine line between professional interest and nagging shrew, I’ve discovered.)

Him: Well, I sort of just didn’t really do it. And the kids were sick. And you went away – WENT AWAY! – for 4 days, and work needed working, and the dog needed walking, and there’s my shed that needs me, and …

Me: So you didn’t have the accountability you needed.

Him: …and there was the project I had on, that suddenly needed lots of time because the client… What?

Me: Accountability. You didn’t have it. If I’d made some times to check in with you about your progress, you’d have gotten some writing done.

Him: ….maybe….

Me: Maybe?

Him: (Looking shifty, and with a twinkle in his eye) …Maaaaybe!..

Me: What about if I SAID I was going to check in with you randomly? Would that do it? Or would you need a time set up in your mind to know that I was going to check?

Him: Oh, that’s getting complicated. It’s like a double bluff!

(Now he’s nerding out on double bluffing, and I can see he’s feeling like James Bond facing a villain.)

Me: Uh huh. You wouldn’t know whether I was or was not going to check in with you! I’d be the ninja of accountability. The lurker in the shadows, just watching…

Him: No. That would not work. I’d be freaked out about a lurker in the shadows.

Me: Oh. Well what about I make you an offer?

Him: Offer? (Twinkle is back in his eye)

Me: Not that sort of offer! I mean: what if I checked in with you by some means or other throughout the week, just to check that you’re writing and making progress?

Him: (Considering look) That might work. But I’m a very busy man.

Me: You’re a very busy man with a book to write.

Him: (With a ‘shucks, foiled again!’ sort of look about him) Yes, I’m a very busy man with a book to write, and checking in throughout the week would probably help.

Me: Just probably?

Him: Yes. Just probably. You know procrastination is my specialty. Checking in will probably help. Just not always.

Me: Well that’s another battle – and we can tackle that later.

Him: So about your next car. That high performance SUV you wanted.

Me: (Hope blooming, and completely missing any connection whatsoever) Yes?

Him: As I’m a sustainability expert, is getting you that car essentially doing to my profession what me not writing my book is doing to yours?

Me: (Fidgeting) …probably…

Him: Ah. Just asking.

Me: (Suitable pause to allow that little interlude through to the keeper) So, when would be a good time to check in with you about how you’re going?

Him: (Silent groan, and a look to the ceiling) No idea. How about Friday?

Me: (Chirpily) Ok! Friday it is!

And right now he’s ensconced in the armchair, tapping away. Because Friday’s not too far away, and he fears the questioning that will come.

Another piece of the puzzle is in place: if you don’t have accountability of some kind, whether that’s your own internal sense of what should be done when, or whether you arrange it externally for yourself in some manner, you just won’t get your writing done.

Even I use an online forum I belong to in order to keep myself at the keyboard when I could be doing a million other things.

My work with clients is about figuring out how their accountability works best, and how we can work together to make it happen.

Because the basic fact is this: if you don’t have accountability, you can be as fired up as you like, but you’ll be all fired up and will still procrastinate like hell.

Some of my clients like to check in once a day via email and let me know what they’ve done.

Others like to wait for our weekly call and report in then.

Still others like a combo of the two, or they’ve arranged to have a friend check in on them.

As a writing coach, I know the power of accountability.

It’s often the difference between a book in your head, and a book in your hands. And I know which one feels better, too!

So tell me: What do you do for accountability? And what does really good accountability look and feel like for you? Comments below, please!